| My future means reclaiming the past
Bilen Mesfin |
By Bilen Mesfin
Summer 2003 Scholar
Posted: May 30, 2003
Something Mr. Quinn said during his speech at orientation
has carved itself into my memory, and I hope to never forget
it. When you go into your newsroom, he said, don’t homogenize.
Ever since I came to the United
States from Ethiopia
at the age of 11, I’ve felt an enormous pressure to leave
my culture behind in order to survive.
We moved here in the days when “melting pot” was the phrase
of the day and “salad bowl” had yet to catch on. Being Ethiopian
in those days meant being made fun of by classmates who didn’t
understand that the smell clinging to my clothes was not body
odor but the food of my country, the food of my mother and
her mother before her.
I learned fast not to wear my hair in braids and to hide
my pain behind laughter when people teased me about skinny
kids with big stomachs and said, “Hey, do your people still
live in huts?”
I learned how to blend in, how to be just like everybody
else. In the process, I lost myself.
I forgot the absolute comfort and security I felt when I
sat at my mother’s feet while she braided my hair. I lost
the sense of pride I used to feel when I thought about all
that my people have accomplished over the years. Ethiopia
-- the land of the lions. The brave-hearted.
Recently though, I’ve begun to realize that the past I’ve
given up has left a hole in my sense of self, my identify.
I’ve begun to understand that I’m cheating myself, as well
as others, if I don’t share my culture, if I don’t celebrate
my heritage, if I don’t stop homogenizing.
That is what being a Chips Quinn Scholar means to me. It
means that I can begin reclaiming – and stop apologizing for
– who I am.
Bilen Mesfin, a graduate student at the University of
California-Berkeley, is a Summer 2003 Scholar at The Tennessean
in Nashville.
Reach her at bilenmesfin@yahoo.com.
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