Interviewing Families of Victims

Dear Coach,

No matter how many stories I write about tragedies in which people die, such as murders and car accidents, I can’t seem to move past my nervousness at interviewing a victim’s family. It takes me a while to work up my nerve and once I get the family member on the phone or arrive at the house, I can’t concentrate. What can I do to stop the uneasiness? I don’t want family members to think that I’m some insensitive journalist. I feel I am invading their space while they’re grieving. -- Too Sensitive?

Dear Sensitive:

Tragedy always will be news. People kill each other. They drink and drive, fall asleep on the sofa while smoking cigarettes, get in motorcycle, car, truck and plane accidents, and either fight or surrender in the face of diseases. Unexpected death is news, because we hope if we know about it, we can somehow avoid it in our own lives. That means the most tragic incidents, like 20 schoolchildren dying in a bus wreck, will be the most newsworthy.

That said, your reaction is normal. It shows basic human sensitivity. It would be best if you didn’t ever lose that. Reporters know to cover events thoroughly and accurately. The best reporters know they can do this while also being sensitive and respectful. That means not being pushy or insistent, but being a willing and empathic listener. Your role, at the house or on the phone (best if at the house, but not always possible), is to serve as a link between the grieving family in their most trying time and the institution of the newspaper.

Say you are very sorry. Ask if there is anyone in the family or at the house who can talk with you. Explain that it is important for the story to say or show who their loved one was. Period. If a parent is too upset to speak with you (not uncommon), don’t push or prod. People grieve, and grief is a private matter. But people also want their loved one remembered in the way they remember him or her. If you focus not on your own nervousness but on the family’s need to grieve, and also to tell, I think you will find you both get what you need.

About the column
Ask the Coach is updated regularly. Have a suggestion for a future column, contact Mary Ann Hogan.

Read Mary Ann Hogan's biography.

Back to top